(no subject)

how do we come back to ourselves when the self is not so anchored...
lines half whipped half pitted against slang and point form...
our mind isn't degrading it's expanding past every second sly sporadic soothing scream...

do a fast job, or i'll kick you in the mouth with some frozen boots

(no subject)

haha.

hayley, shut up; people love you.

remember, live and love.

it's all we've got.

wubbb.

my moments with my friends, that is enuff for me. thank you.

and mf doom

word.
  • Current Music
    mf doom!

(no subject)

we have this feeling, called an international vibe...
i don't want to think, i don't want to be left with my thoughts, i don't want to know what i'll find.

i just want to be simple as shape, easily defined in lines, and pretty to the toe (if you want to get exact here).

a black cat crossed my path yesterday on the way to work...
and the following events of almost burning down the house, twice, later that night, ensued.

that isn't really what's bugging me though. i just thought i'd mention the irony that
a) a fireman lives across the street and he didn't even make a peep at the burning piles on our front porch
b) the fact that the fire didn't go out the first time even though it was in the snow, and started to burn shit down on our porch...half hour later.
c) i remember thinking to myself, oh if i was superstitious, this is gonna be a bad day...

bunk.

so we're supposed to go to ottawa tomorrow for vince's party but to tell you the truth, i don't feel much in a party mood, i kind of just want to go home for the weekend...i might. i'm considering it. i don't feel the best either, healthwise.
i actually feel like throwing up a lot, not eating, and wondering wht shit sucks a lot right now.

i want my mommmmy.
not a party :(

i'm sure i'll still go to ottawa, seeing as i planned it and all, but i dunno. maybe i shouldn't. i feel a little spooked...like what else is going to go wrong, there are millions of things!
but i guess if you live your life like that you generally accomplish nothing but breathing and a sporadic fucking...

i want to go back to school soon.
i want to know what i want to do!
i do NOT want to go to work on this beautiful sunny friday, in which i'd rather be out enjoying life considering i almost burned down the house last night.


...i feel a little dull inside.
  • Current Mood
    apathetic apathetic

(no subject)

so since i started working...i started making money...i started liking money as much as despising it...

i want to buy lots of clothes!
damnit for some reason i just want to be somewhat normal...and sexy....and have a mind for reality, not just a nose.

damn my fuckin nose it gets me into the worst yet best of situations.

i found this new toy, who is just...fucking adorable.
he has this look, his come hither fuckin sexy piece of shit acid look to him...although he is totally normal in that sense, and doesn't toucheeeee that shit.

i don't either. no more fuckin vacations for awhile, i can now see why people think acid is awful if done in plenty.

...anyways.
i like to buy parasuco clothes, use my nose, and fuck around.

well hell, i am pretty sweet.

this new year is weird yet glorified already.

i'm more awake than i was before!
man toys are hot...
i like bars without drinking...
let's fuck all fucked up, hows about...

leia and i have a huge bond that can never be broken. that was awesome to realize last night with her.
and now i'm good to go
  • Current Music
    cypress hill is ill!

(no subject)

i can't stop buying books without reasons.
i don't even get around to reading them, i think i just have found something worthwhile to collect?

one day i'll get struck with a horrible illness and drop dead within about ten days, but in those ten days maybe i will get around to reading some of those collectables.

i dropped out of school and work full time.
it feels better.

dyed the dreadies.
lip ring healed.
great sex life.
end.

(no subject)

sometimes i wonder why i can see the bones poking through my wrists,
and then i remember its so that i can follow their connecting lines to recognize the rest of my body...

i'm quite self aware.

lol, 

(i wish i could say i need to run away, but running away isn't so appealing when you've gotten the rebellious and angry streaks out of your system...)
(running away doesn't solve anything anyways; i hate this hopeful and ridiculous survival urge that doesn't just let everything fall apart as it may)
(maybe the dinosaurs are extinct because they decided to stop breathing, and abandoned trying to find delicious ferns)

o the solarium is bright!
  • Current Mood
    blank blank

the time has come:

for everyone to be happy.

go us.

if you're happy too, post a picture of it.
i want a collection of this feeling for days when i'm running out.




  • Current Music
    SOI

red

i've lived the rebel days, my glory days, the punk days of idealistic youth. fresh, enigmatic and imaginative, we were unknown explorers of the left sidewalks on abandoned streets. taste the night; we'd wander and hitchhike through not only our own minds, but likeminded few that managed to come out on the island and connect. produced, recorded, remixed, re-formed, music (opinions), only makes so much noise when you're hearing the rainbow in five varied languages of love, and the beat boxin' is always primed for tangos. as mickey knox said to insight one of the largest grand scale prison riots in US history, 'we are just natural born killers, baby'. now tell me, sons and daughters of the corporate, mashed world; are you aware of your imprsionment? can you drag yourself out of that horrible drugged out existence of merchandise, consumerism, and stotic existence?

can you now feel your stagnant breaths, or do they still taste just as sweet?
have you strolled the underground sewer systems of liberty's mind?

we are the dream weavers, the forgotten skids, your next author to add to the new york time's best sellers. (we'll make those quaint book lists, and number them wrong on purpose just to create an alternative sense of right.) masterfully, someone'll explain the phenomenon in between so many metaphors that you'll be content to think that you've just finished some novel, straight out of oprah's book club, about a surburban mom and her two adorable kids; a knack for getting in (and out!) our trouble, while learning life's most valuable lessons reads the catchy paragraph with witty one liner's on the back. your next expensive art gala opening won't be portraying the politically correct middle eastern influenced by dominant western culture; look deeper in those oil tanks, and find the idealistic syringe every junkie has used to shoot up curiosity, injrigue, desire and need (all in that order). we run the world, you're just too plugged in to notice our small scale take over, our joie de vivre that happens to be youthfully cliche yet strangley effective.

and when all that eventually fades away, all that's left is to become the virus.
except that while becoming the virus, we already know the cure.
it is only through sacrificial destruction that we attain a pure creation and rebirth.

*

1.

i want to tell the man wearing a faded out and painfully pouffy sports jacket that he shouldn't be fucking looking at the accident we just passed on the don valley parkway because it doesn't matter if he looks it isn't going to do any good the good samaritian puppy dog curious eyes are just an act for every avaliable woman around him on this damn stinking bus of feces, shite and travellers vomit i'd also like to mention that in the case that his 90's hip ass actually cares about fellow mankind and that if i have made a mistake in reading his intentions it won't do the world any good anyways if he sends a song of pity out through his emotional core because fraknly those people are still dead that car is still crashed and i am still fucking high out of my tree judging everyone in this reeking bus (did i already mention that it was more awful than lou reed's greatest hits album i mean come on the song ocean didn't really connect with me on an emotional level when it opened up with a sort of chinese sounding soft gong rumble since the ocean hasn't ever represented anything remotley oriental since i first figured out what an ocean was all wet sloshy sloppy and mystical) with all these thoughts slowly popping up unawares into my subconcious before oozing and evolving into tangible thoughts i'd like to announce that yes everybody i am pretty high and am enjoying my european chocolate rice cakes they come from a delicate little deli right down the street you should all try a few they are quite cheap when it comes to comparisons concerning the material world today of the western nations this brings on the long winded debate in my head where i bash the hell out of my musical judgements that fucking lou reed record it was a vinyl and now i feel quite cheap and sodomized by this man who i thought was a great performer of the velvet underground why did he have to prove the man right and during his solo career basically lick the crap that leaked out of everyone's ass to collect into that little chodah area by their genitals to prove that when you go outside the group or main structure of something anything your ass is grass just then i am freed from his disastorous but supposed musical moanings in which i am sure that he realizes just how worthless his life is as a performer and that it is professionally going nowhere fast by the melodic sweet caress of some downtempo mixes by cpi these tunes stimulate my little brain nodes i think and then realize i thought so obviously my theory must be right and i am all in a happy huff about a correct theory when this exclamation of genious is interuppted by my brain nodes again pulling a little naughty dance with corsets and high heels making me wonder if anyone shares my opinion that the supposed evoltuion of mankind is pretty disguisting considering people sit around me in their 90's hip jackets and talk on their cellphones or get drunk on whiskey (yeah there's a guy in the back of the bus with a little of a lot and he is just swimming in that shite) ...that they actually consider themselves evolved as a species and whole i am definatley the most whole and evolved person i know right now.



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so yeah, i finally started writing bits and pieces of my novel.
time to come back, with a story.

i was the writer who went beyond what everyone else merely created; i've lived my story kids. done my research.

here it comes.
  • Current Music
    lou reed's greatest hits